This post is also available in:
Español 
Português
By Oliver Gray
With an ever-growing selection of high-quality beers available, almost every craft beer lover is experiencing an era of taste enlightenment, a renaissance of malts and hops sheathed in glass and labeled with colorful, clever heraldry.
With so many options, it was inevitable that drinkers and drinking habits would naturally stratify into groups based on behaviors, preferences, and alpha acid concentrations.
Here are the 10 types of craft beer drinkers.
1. The Local Drinker
Drinks only beer brewed in his hometown and maybe a few nearby regions exclusively.
He’s a champion of the local scene, often expounding on the microbrewery that’s growing in popularity or announcing the seasonal beers from his favorite brewery.
He doesn’t mock beer from other places, but given the option, will always say “prefer your local brewery.”
You really can’t be angry with him — he’s a catalyst for progress, keeping smaller breweries alive, building from the ground up and supporting them with praise and money.
2. The Old-School Drinker
Has had the same job for ten years or more, orders the same food every time he goes to the same restaurant, and to no one’s surprise, has been drinking the same beer every weekend from the comfort of a very worn armchair.
This could generally be a positive thing, like an established IPA or a modern, well-crafted lager.
But, like an old man stuck in a rocking chair at a retirement home lamenting the world as it “used to be,” he gets grumpy and dismissive if anyone suggests he try something new.
He will probably drink that same beer until he dies or until the brewery goes under, at which point he’ll try to find a beer exactly like it — the only time in his life he’ll attempt to try anything new.
3. The Critic Drinker
A storm of criticism who, despite having tried some of the finest beers in existence, seems like he can never say anything good about any of them.
His constant criticism of everything beer-related makes the people around him sometimes wonder if he actually likes beer or just likes talking about how much he doesn’t like beer.
He’s not rude; he often correctly points out flaws, like excess hops, acidity, inappropriate aromas, or weakness in the malt structure, and he’s probably tried more beers than most people who say they love, admire, and/or adore craft beer. But no one has ever actually seen him enjoy one. The day he does, the universe might implode.
4. The Appreciator Drinker
He’s the antithesis of the critic, who, despite trying some things that a man stumbling through the desert dying of thirst would reject and toss in the trash, likes almost everything that passes his lips.
Even beers that could be toxic or cause a severe allergic reaction are fine in his world. If the beer really tastes bad, he’ll find something good to say, whether about the cute label design or the cap printing.
When his drinking buddies say: “How can you drink this crap? It tastes like plastic mixed with pellet mash!” He’ll answer: “Yeah, a bit, I suppose. But it’s definitely not the worst I’ve had.”
5. The Disoriented Drinker
This guy really wants to be part of the craft beer wave, he truly wants to fit in with all his friends at the bar on Friday night, but the combination of an unsophisticated color palette and a possible taste bud problem prevent him from grasping the finer nuances of a good beer.
He often asks, searches, and reads articles about whether a Lager is a Pale Ale, or whether a Stout is a Hefeweizen.
He has good intentions and seems to enjoy his beer, but it’s not quite enough to keep styles or breweries in focus.
Once he’s correctly identified an IPA, it will be the only thing he orders — partly out of fear that people will realize he has no idea what he’s talking about, partly because he’s proud he finally got one right.
6. The Discoverer Drinker
This drinker could also be called “The Exaggerator.” His ability to identify flavors — many of which were not intentionally added to the beer — borders on the paranormal.
He’ll bring his nose to an IPA and immediately verbally note the subtle aromas of “raspberry, turmeric, and waffles.”
He’ll take a sip and, swirling his tongue around his mouth, ask whether we’ve noticed the way the hops have created “an oxidized and dirty flavor,” but “in a good way,” then point out that the finish is like “cashews cooked over a fire of pine logs and Brazilian rosewood.”
He claims to sense things humans cannot physically detect, like passion and eccentricity, and if he’s really tasting all these things, it could be something very, very wrong with his tongue. Or maybe he’s about to have a stroke. Nobody knows.
7. The Beer Snob
Everyone knows them; this drinker isn’t just happy relaxing, enjoying, and drinking his beer — he also can’t control the urge to explain why the beers he drinks are vastly superior to the beers others drink.
He’ll never stoop to anything below 9.5% ABV, somehow equating alcohol content with quality.
If it’s not a Double, Triple, or Imperial version, he won’t even notice he’s drinking it, as it’s clearly beneath his refined tastes and standards.
He spends his free time on BeerAdvocate, RateBeer, or Untappd writing brief, excessively harsh, condescending comments, always adding “it’s no Old Rasputin” at the end of every one.
Nobody likes him, but he thinks he’s doing the beer-drinking community a favor by ranting about “the impurity of large-scale brewing” whenever he gets the chance.
8. The Meta-Snob
This drinker has become a meta-snob — that is, what a beer snob aspires to become.
He’s the countercultural reaction to the condescension that permeates the beer world regarding the use of popular tradition products.
He wears hipster glasses, a low-crown hat, and tight pants. This guy isn’t actually interested in beer for beer’s sake — what he really likes is annoying people and being “ironic.”
As soon as a good beer is no longer trendy, it’ll no longer be a target as a bad beer, which means it won’t be ironic anymore, and he’ll disappear into the repetitive sounds of electronic music.
No se encontraron productos.
9. The Comparator Drinker
This guy can’t help comparing the beer he’s currently drinking to every other beer he’s ever tried.
The first words out of his mouth after the virgin sip of a new (to him) beer are always: “Mmmmm, this reminds me of…”
His mission is to compile a mental database of every beer to create connections between breweries and be a walking, talking craft beer reference encyclopedia.
He’s really great to have around if you’re trying to find new beer styles to try, but otherwise his relentless obsession with categorizing and ranking beers makes it hard to spend time with him.
Never, ever, under any circumstances — unless you need to kill two or three hours — ask him what his favorite beer is. Trust me.
10. The Newbie
The new guy! The excited drinker! The man who just tried his first Double IPA and can’t stop talking about it!
A new craft beer fan is born in the maternity wards of bars every Friday night.
This guy tends to be overly enthusiastic, recommending everyone try the best beers of every type, even if they’re not of age, not beer fans, or even human.
He’ll keep talking about how IPAs are his favorite — no Amber, no Pilsner, no Stout, not even any IPA at some point, drunk on the new breadth of styles and flavors he just discovered, and on the beer itself.
This guy tends to drink too much out of excitement, not realizing that his new love is a respectable 2, 3, or 5% ABV higher than the things he used to drink in college.
Nobody gets angry when he overdoes it a little. His zeal and enthusiasm remind us of ourselves when we had that beer that transformed us from casual drinkers into enthusiastic ones, lifting beer to the category of art.
Recommended
- The cold chain and its importance in maintaining beer quality
- Why do we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? Origin, history, and traditions
